Trying to EDUCATE Myself

Education has been a term closely associated with me and my family for several centuries now. As far as I can remember, all male members in my family starting from my great grandfather have been teachers, professors, research workers etc. During my childhood days I used to have long discussions with my father on most of my actions, and the sole point of those discussions was - was that action right or wrong? Could it have been done better differently? The discussions used to range from logic, illogic, philosophy, practicality, emotionality, spirituality, to sheer annoyance ;-)
But overall, I felt I was getting educated through it all. And truly, I learnt a lot. Most of my life now can be rationally defined through many of those discussions.

When I went to college for a Computer Science education, I did not attend classes I did not like. I really worked hard on subjects I liked. Fortunately or unfortunately, I could still clear the exams I did not like. Finally I attained all the degrees I needed for the job, but education only in areas I liked. Fortunately or unfortunately, I landed up in jobs only in the areas I studied in college (nopes, back then, in India, any job looked good, choices were meagre).

After landing up closer to Stanford, I joined their academic department and started attending their courses, working extra hours learning new stuff. It was so damn interesting. The question that is left open to me now is - should I continue doing individual courses because I like them, or should I plan for a degree from Stanford while I am at it? And frankly, I now see a certificate/degree as an insult to the entire concept of education. If people wish to respect someone simply because he/she holds a PhD or an MBA from a top notch university, shouldn't we start redefining our views for them ?

During one of the courses at Stanford, I clearly mentioned to the professor and the assistants that I have no intention of learning all the things that are being taught in this course. I had more intention to learn some part of that course in more detail then the rest. He simply could not do anything about it because the other students (regular guys, working for their certificate) needed that education. I immediately realized I do not want to be one of them. Even with programming assignments they had bunch of stuff which was required but seemingly useless and a wastage of time to me. Again, they could not do anything about it.

I have come to the bitter conclusion that I do not want to be another engineer, or another manager, or another executive anymore. I want to be what I was born to be. And now comes the big question - What on earth is that ?????

Well, for now I will be content with the fact that I realized something nice today. I will be happy to have thought that the certifications of this world are not of any further interest to me. And I will be curious to know what way is then my way. Any pointers are welcome....

Corporate Culture - The Passion Murderer ??

I recently got promoted at work. According to my manager, I am one of the most useful resources in the group and have a bright future. My compensation increased. Probably I am earning way better than an "average" US worker with my level of work experience in the IT industry. I am also working extra hard for that. With the promotion came even more work, even more responsibility. And well, even less time for oneself.

I have come to realize that this is a vicious circle. Why did I choose computer science instead of getting into some lousy branch of study at IIT? Well, I liked it. I liked programming. It was interesting. Why did I work extra hard last year for this promotion? Well, because I liked it. It was interesting and challenging.

Gradually, I am feeling bad about programming. I think I would be happier if I can earn more money doing other less technical labor than programming. The point is, the corporate culture has made me dislike what was once a passion. And just to state this on the record, my current employer is much much better than the previous ones. But still...

Some introspection. People who are really involved in their jobs - how may of you really really like what you are doing? I mean, if I give you enough money that you do not have to work for money, would you still be doing what you are doing? Heck no. I would probably just hack into Linux kernel for free in that case. Or just make my home completely intelligent using self-developed AI devices. I would just play with several computer science topics and do some nice funny interesting stuff.

Then, why the hell am I working? Yup, you got it. Its the moolah factor, pal. Company did a strong IPO. Future looks good. Money is not bad either. Green card is on its way. But all this is making me go deeper into the vicious circle of ambitions and money race, and making me move out of the nice plain road of the passion called "programming for fun".

Who is to blame? The corporate culture that kills the passion and makes you an ambitious, cut-throat fighting bull of an arena match watched by other corporates and fellow players, all of whom are fighting for a bigger house, a better car, a nice vacation, and a planned retirement? Or, me, who probably lacks the courage to defy obvious paths and delve on my own? Or those who love me, who probably will not agree with such defiant steps because they could never do the same themselves?

Oh, well. Enough of random thoughts on a Sunday morning. Let me sleep. I have a project to complete in next 3 months and a bug to track in next 2 days ;-)

Strange Annoyances and Life

I have absolutely no idea about life, no sir, absolutely nothing. But I have every idea one can ever have about what is called an annoyance. Such a simple 9 letter word, and yet covers the entire span of our lives, more than 24 times a day, well averaging above 1 per hour.

You are driving on the road, all of a sudden a gentleman driving peacefully on to your right realizes he will die in a moment if he does not turn left RIGHT NOW. There you go, annoyance hits you.

With time, and as you mature up in life, you learn how to control such petty annoyances from putting you off. Now you would often just smile sarcastically and pass on a crisp but quite remark for the person who just took the left turn you didnt want him to take.

We never really know what life has in store for us; how much we can control our annoyances, and how much would they occur. They seem to come right at us when we expect the least.

For example, an otherwise sweet sounding guy has the unnerving habit of farting every 10 minutes. No no not a nice mute one, a loud bang which would make you feel if the house has been set on a huge vibrator, or if there is an earthquake in the offing. And when you look up, he gives you the sweetest possible smile and says, "It is good for health, you also start doing it" !!!!!!!!. Now how exactly can one adjust to such an annoyance?? Loud music might be a good option, but what if you like soft soul-searching numbers ????

Yet another example, when you feel you know a lot about a particular topic and have really really worked hard, and you are respected for your knowledge, you happen to work with a guy who is such a nerd that if you ask a question you cannot even understand 10% of his response. Wouldn't you feel like digging your own grave right there and ask the same person to cover you in mud? Or maybe dread the day you joined this job, and remember how happy you were feeling respected in the older one. I am happy as long as I am the king (or probably one of the nobles) :-)

Let us agree on this one. We can never have enough of annoyances in our lives, they hit us especially when we think we are a hard nut and can handle any of them. I am more intelligent now since I realize I cannot always win over them. And I am more intelligent now since I know what to do if some unfathomable annoyance hit me. Any guesses ?

Simple, get inside your room, bolt it up, put some music on, eat whatever fatty food you were avoiding since past week, hit the bed, say a loud **** YOU, forget everything and doze off. Mother Ostrich sure does know a lot about life
:-)

Murphy's Law or the likes of it proved correct yet again.

This happened when my room-mate and myself decided to buy some mineral water at 10 in the night. This super-intelligent guy assumed I had the keys and locked the damn door.
The game got over even before it started. Yeah, we were locked out.

Now this is not really the first time it had happened to me. But all the previous incidences took place in India where banging your lock with a big stone is quite a normal gesture.
It was cold and I was hungry. So we decided to grab some food before anything else. Gladly, he paid. And now, the story starts.

We came back to the house. It was exactly as we left it. Then Janesh suddenly realized the housing community's manager might have a spare key. Well, it was a Saturday night, and as expected the guy was out of town, his house locked.

It is not always a nice idea to knock anyone's door in USA whom you have never talked to. But this is exactly what Janesh had in mind. It was already 12 in the night. There were only two houses where life still seemed to stand in light than down on bed. One was our immediate neighbor. Well, there was this girl and this guy on the door (left ajar) in a complete lip-interlock which it seemed would not dis-entangle even if jerked by a 8.0 richter quake. Of course what could I have done with my meagre problem to get attention.

Meanwhile Janesh had knocked the other house. The lady did not come out, as I was expecting. I explained the problem (Janesh has problem in speaking since birth and was still trying his level best making things worse for me to handle). She would not help and I just apologized. Little did I realize that there was more to come from this house later in the night.

Meanwhile the power of time had gotten over what the mighty quake cannot dream of. The guy had left. We knocked on the door. The girl was very cooperative. She called a lock-smith for us. Suddenly we heard a whistle and two cops surrounded us, just like in movies.
What had happened meanwhile was that the lady whom Janesh tried to talk in his not-so-appealing-across-closed-door style thought we would rob her house by asking her to call the housing community for us.

After that followed a full interview round, the likes of which no software engineer has seen in life. Eventually they realized that given our height and physique and comparing it with USA's average height, we could not possibly do much besides trying to co-exist and breathe.

Finally the lock-smith came, charged us $90 for opening the damn door. Yeah we could have bargained but it was 2 AM already and I decided to call it a day.
But surely something to remember all my life and to take a lesson from it what not to do when you are in USA. Or rather what not to allow your roomie to do when you are here. :-)

- Adhyas